Monday, July 11, 2011

Birthday, smurfday

Tomorrow is my birthday.  I used to enjoy my birthday, but I really don't any longer.  And no, it's not for the reasons you might think.  See, I don't mind getting older - I will even proudly tell anyone who asks how old I am (41 tomorrow).  Aging doesn't bother me in the least.  So why wouldn't I like my birthday?

Well, I'll tell you.  It's because it's just another day - just a day where I can get my hopes up that my husband will do something nice for me, or my friends will, or whatever - and generally those hopes are dashed each and every year.  I try not to even think that's it's going to be different than any other day - but it's hard, because the world out there expects that birthdays are special.  And I would like to feel special once in a while, you know? 

Today my husband announced that he had no idea what to get me for my birthday.  So now I have to either come up with something specific that he can either order from Amazon or buy at Walmart, or most likely I will get nothing.  He's only known me for 13 years - how can I expect that he might have an inkling of what I like?  Even though I try to suggest things when I see them throughout the year as gift ideas, he doesn't retain it. 

Honestly, it's not about the gift, really.  I just would like to feel like he's done something that is just for me.  Not for the kids with a side benefit being that I can use it too (like our pool), but something specifically for me, that he actually took the time to think about, instead of just asking what I want. 

I just want tomorrow to be something more that just another day - something more than a day spent watching the kids while he works in his office.  More than feeling like I'm just a mom and housekeeper.  But, I try not to get my hopes up - because if he can't even come up with a gift, there is no way he's going to make my day special. 

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