For quite a while now I have been trapped in a cycle of resentment and unforgiveness toward someone from my past. I've blamed them for things that both happened in the past and for things that effect me now, and I have repeatedly forgiven them, (or at least said I forgave them) because the unforgiveness was eating me up inside, and keeping me in bondage to things I just didn't want in my life. But no matter how many times I tried to forgive them and move forward, I could not rid myself of the resentment I felt. And every time I would sit down to write the hurt and anger would pour out of me onto the paper, a constant reminder that I hadn't actually successfully forgiven them.
Yesterday, I sat at my computer and wrote, and again, the hurt poured out from my fingers onto the page. And in the midst of the pain, I cried out to God. "Lord, please, I can't seem to really forgive this person! Please help me - I don't want to hold on to this any more!" And He answered, and His response surprised me - He told me to break an unhealthy soul tie with that person.
Now, if you are anything like me, you've heard a lot about soul ties in relation to sex outside of marriage. Breaking soul ties, to me, seemed kind of silly, actually. It had always seemed like something that was a "formula" created by man to give us something we could do to feel like we were free. It never seemed like it actually did anything. But by inspiration of Holy Spirit, I did just what He asked - I renounced the soul tie that had formed and thanked Jesus that it was completely broken.
Literally, in an instant, the hurt and anger and resentment that I had held against this person for years was gone. Just, GONE. I again forgave this person for the past, and instead of just saying I forgave them, I actually felt forgiveness rise up in me. I started the prayer one way, feeling like I was never going to be able to let the hurt and anger go, and at the end, was completely free of it all. Not only was I not holding things from the past against them, I was able to examine the things that had happened and see them with new eyes. See that those thing which were hurtful had nothing to do with me, or my value. My worth in God's eyes had nothing to do with this person's treatment of me in the past.
But the funny thing is that I would never have prayed to break a soul tie on my own - it was only though surrendering my own efforts in fixing this situation that I was able to hear what God needed to tell me. He knew what was needed for me to be free - I did not. And that makes me wonder, how many situations are we in that Holy Spirit wants to help us out of, but we're too busy trying to fix it ourselves to listen? I had done what books, pastors and friends had told me to do. I had forgiven this person, multiple times. But I did not have the capacity to forgive because of the unnatural bond that had been created years ago, and Holy Spirit knew that once that was dealt with, everything else would fall into place. But I had to get to the point where I stopped doing what other people told me would fix the situation and instead hear what God was saying.
So, what if we all stop trying to follow the "method" for a moment and really pay attention to what God is telling us to do? Instead of reading a book that tells me how someone else got their breakthrough, maybe I should ask Holy Spirit to show me what I need to do to get MY breakthrough. I am really starting to believe that He does know what is best for us, after all.
Father, I pray today that we have open ears to hear what You are speaking. I ask that everyone reading be able to hear and respond to what You are telling them to do about every situation in their lives. I thank you Father, that we can find exactly what we need when we hear Your voice and stop listening to the many voices around us vying for our attention. I pray for open ears and open hearts for Your people, God. In Jesus' name, amen.